Maybe If I Were A Ditz

What's worse than a blind date you have absolutely nothing in common with and is not exactly what you would call...hot?  A blind date that you have absolutely nothing in common with but IS hot- but then goes after your cousin while still on a date with you.

Last spring, I met a guy on MySpace.  I know, I know- silly me!  But he messaged me, and said he thought my profile was funny and that I had a cute pic (it was me, jumping on a trampoline in pjs).  I thought it was nice that a guy actually read my profile for once and didn't just message me because he saw my "sexy" profile pictures.  We ended up having an all night message-fest, and at the end of the night, he told me he didn't usually give out his number to strangers online (yeah, right) but if I wanted to give him a call sometime, I wouldn't mind. 

The next few days we just messaged each other, and I told him that I wasn't sure I would call him (I'm sort of shy on the phone), but gave him my number in case he wanted to call.  One day after work, he did call, and we had a GREAT conversation.  We talked about a lot of things we did have in common, and laughed a lot.  I think one of our phones died, and he ended up texting me saying it was probably a good thing it did die because otherwise he would have stayed on the phone all night.  He told me it was the best conversation he'd had with a girl in a long time, and I was sort of flattered.  Let me mention- in his pictures, he was REALLY cute. 

So, after another few days of talking, he finally asked if I would like to have dinner sometime.  I said I'd love to, and we made plans to meet at Applebee's.  I was really nervous but excited, and by the time I got there I was nervous as hell.  I arrived first- I consider it a good thing because I really needed a drink to calm myself.  I ordered a beer and waited patiently.  He called and said he was running a little behind but he was still coming.  Then, he arrived.  I swear when he walked through the restaurant, every woman in the place turned to watch him walk by.  Yes, he was gorgeous.  I couldn't believe my luck- FINALLY, a great looking guy that has a good personality and is interested in me for more than just my looks!  Score!

We had a great time at dinner.  He insisted on paying for everything (always a plus in my book), and after we were finished eating, he asked if I wanted to go see a movie.  I made a quick trip to the bathroom, and texted my cousin Leah in Michigan to tell her.  She said it was a good thing, because he wanted to prolong the date.  Duh.  So we went to the movies.  There was crap playing, but we watched The Bucket List and basically talked the entire time. 

At the end of the night, he gave me a kiss goodnight- it wasn't slobbery or weird- and it was very innocent.  I was very, very happy with how it went, to say the least.  He was a complete gentleman, and said he would call me soon.  I wasn't sure what it meant, but figured, hey, I got one good night, and I was happy with that.  I mean, come on- after several terrible blind dates before that, I had to call it successful, even if it was just one night.

Then, he asked to hang out again.  At his place.  And I wanted to.  So I did.  We watched a Phoenix Suns game and had a few beers, and that is when my second cousin comes into play.  I knew what she was like, and I shouldn't have brought her in at all, but I did.  And it all came crashing down after that.  Turns out, they knew each other.  The guy recognized my cousin from somewhere, and then she realized where she knew him from.  Rehab.  Perfect, right?  Yes, they were both in rehab together.  He used to be addicted to heroin, something I'm sure would have come up eventually, but hadn't yet.  I was completely in shock at that point.

At some point, he decided to look for my cousin's picture on MySpace, and found her in my pictures.  My cousin is really pretty, and skinny, and she's a ditz- something that guys are weak for, I suppose.  They started talking on MySpace and eventually, she got involved with it all.  She told him I was bipolar and had a lot of emotional issues (correct- I am bipolar, but it is UNDER CONTROL AND HAS BEEN), and scared him off.  He then said he just wanted to be my friend.  He invited me out to go putt-putt golfing, and my conniving cousin asked to join us, if it was just a friend thing.  I let her.  It was the worst night I had had in Phoenix.  He flirted with her the entire time, and she acted like such a moron I found myself rolling my eyes and laughing at her most of the time.  He didn't seem to care.  He showed her how to hold a club- we all know that drill- and I was sick most of the night.  I told him to drop me off first, and that was basically the end of it.

I learned that night that guys are mostly idiots and don't really think with their brains.  The worst part was, I wasn't even the one persuing him- he pursued me.  Ugh.  Can you top that crappy date?

"...But I Saw His High School Picture!"

Early 2006.  I'm 20 years old, just moved back from Ohio from a brief 3-month fling with a guy that had commitment problems (only to tell me AFTER I moved my life down there).  I was, again, on the rebound.  It was also about the time I decided to take a hiatus from commitment myself, and to just have fun.  Meaning, get drunk a lot and forget that in the last six months I had been engaged, cheated on, moved 700 miles to another state, dumped again, and back to jumping from couch to couch for a while.

My cousin Leah met a guy through some friends of ours.  A bunch of us went to a house party and our friends Jenna and Ashley said, "Hey, you should meet up with Jay, he's really cool."  I thought it was a terrible idea.  They told her he was punk rock just like her (I laugh hysterically when I read that because if anything, my cousin is the complete opposite of punk rock- she just liked to be a poser back then).  In reality, he was exactly like me.  That's another story, though.  We planned out where to meet Jay so we could all hang out.  We should have known better as soon as he said "Meet me at the gas station." 

Once we were all back at the house party, we all chilled and drank a lot of beer and it was a good time.  I found Jay to be a complete narcissist, and an asshole, to be honest.  He had absolutely nothing in common with my cousin.  I hate to say he was anything like me either, at that point, but we had a lot of the same interests, which was sad.  He blew off my cousin, who was directing her undivided attention at him, mainly because he was good-looking.  He was funny at times, but that was it.  I sat on a couch drinking my beer alone for most of the night, and Jay took the opportunity to sit next to me.  He was flirting with me, but because I had no interest, it became a game to him.  I spent the rest of the time trying to avoid him or push him to my cousin. 

I told my cousin the next day I didn't find him to be all that great and said she could do better, but she didn't care.  She decided to try to go for it with him.  And he went with it.  That was when the blind date came in.  Jay had a friend, Corey, who hadn't a relationship (with a girl) in quite a while, and he thought we would hit it off.  In the best interest of my cousin, I should have said "No."  She was so excited that he asked her to go hang out that I couldn't let her down, though.  So I gave in.  Corey called me, and like I guessed- we had nothing in common.  He was into politics.  Liked science.  LISTENED TO COUNTRY!  That should say it all.

Leah told me, "I saw his high school picture, and he looks really cute.  Maybe he's just a geek at heart."  Right.  Her idea of cute and my idea of cute are on completely different spectrums altogether, but I went.  We were supposed to meet them at the Pizza Hut a town over from us.  Pizza Hut?  Are you kidding?  Are we in high school?  I didn't complain.  At least I wasn't paying.  We arrived.  And had to wait for the guys.  And wait.  And wait.  We waited for almost an hour.  They were late.  Finally, they arrived.  And guess what?  Corey.  Was.  Not.  Cute.

We ordered.  I was less than thrilled.  Leah hardly spoke at all, and neither did Corey.  Jay and I were the ones keeping the conversation going.  Corey wanted to talk about some show he watched on TV (The Colbert Report, to be correct- sorry if you're a fan, but I am not).  Jay and I talked about music.  Leah kept her mouth shut.  At some point we all left, and Corey said we could all hang out at his house because his parents were gone.  You live with your parents?  I guess I shouldn't have been surprised.  But yes, he lived with his parents, in their basement, of all places.  Oh boy.

We went back to his house, and after a few beers were in me, I was able to completely forget I was supposed to be on a date with this dud.  I know I intimidated him.  I have a personality that sometimes overwhelms people, especially shy beings.  He had no interest after that to talk much at all.  Jay brought out his guitar and played us some songs, then taught me a song.  "Photograph" by Nickelback.  He was so surprised I could play the guitar he wanted to keep teaching me new songs, totally leaving my cousin in the cold, and Corey, too. 

So the end of the night comes, and we are too drunk to drive, so they tell us we can stay there.  There are two couches in the basement, and then Corey's bed on the other side of a wall.  Leah actually had the NERVE to suggest I go sleep with Corey, and she and Jay could sleep on the pull-out couch.  I didn't do it.  I didn't want to put a damper on her night (even though I'm pretty sure Jay had absolutely no interest at that point), but I wasn't going to sleep next to some dude I didn't know nor even really like just so she could be heartbroken the next day when Jay told her he didn't see her like that, AFTER fooling around.  I promptly fell asleep on the couch across from them.

Corey and I didn't speak again.  He told Jay that he didn't find me that interesting.  Jay said I was a riot.  ...It was the last time we all hung out.  Leah wound up heartbroken when Jay told her a couple weeks later, "You just aren't my type."  And that was the second blind date I went on.  At least that one didn't end with a slobbery kiss.

The "Not Quite Honest" Blind Date

It was my junior year of high school.  I was single and enjoying it, because I'd spent almost three years in a relationship with guys that treated me terribly.  My two best friends at the time agreed I should try to meet new people.  So I did.  I don't remember how, but I know it was through a friend of a friend of a future boyfriend's bandmate's girlfriend.  Is that confusing enough for you?

His name was Kenny.  Kenny and his friend Rod were both 19, lived in the city 30 minutes from me, and asked if I wanted to go out to dinner and watch a movie with them.  I agreed, as long as my best girl friend at the time, Sami, could go.  You know, for safety's sake (or just because if he was ugly, she could block the goodnight kiss scene).  I saw one picture on Kenny, and as far as I could tell, he wasn't bad looking at all, and he seemed pretty sweet.  ...Believe me, it was far from the truth.

Sami and I had him pick us up from her mom's house.  I was afraid of my own mother's reaction and Sami's mom was always like a second mom to me, except cooler.  She wouldn't embarrass me like my own mother would.  I stayed in the upstairs bathroom, getting ready and trying not to throw up, until the doorbell rang.  I made Sami answer it.  She came upstairs to get me, and the look on her face told me everything.

Kenny didn't look anything like the picture I saw.  He was about four feet tall and had a shaved head, something I couldn't stand at the time.  He wore big glasses and was the billboard picture of nerdy.  I couldn't believe it.  How did I get talked into this?!

I didn't want to go, but couldn't be rude, so I went anyway.  We met up with his friend Rod at the mall.  Guess what?  The picture I had been sent was of him.  And he was completely gorgeous.  It was totally unfair.  I didn't want to have to spend one minute sitting next to poor Kenny (who wasn't a bad guy, I was just shallow) by myself, whether in a theater or at his house, so we hung around the mall.  At one point, Sami and I were in the FYE store, and a few of our friends from another school were there, making us laugh so hard I almost wet myself.  I had to run to the bathroom, where she followed me.  The terrible thing was, the reason we were laughing so hard was because they were making fun of my date.  I know, stupid high school girls.

At the end of the night, I made a comment about the picture before we left the mall, and Rod laughed.  It had been him the whole time that I was talking to, and he was just a complete asshole.  He didn't plan for us to actually go through with the date.  My friend Mindy, who lived next door to him and was the one to set us up, apologized later for it. 

It started getting nasty out because of a snow storm, and Sami begged to be dropped off first.  I was so, so mad at her for it, because I didn't want to be alone with him at all, let alone when we had to go half the speed limit because of the storm.  The whole ride back to my house Kenny kept trying to hold my hand.  I couldn't help being weirded out.  Then- the worst happened.

Once we were in my driveway, he offered to walk me to the door, and I turned him down, saying my parents were probably in bed and I didn't want them to wake up.  He insisted, and followed me.  Across the yard.  To the stairs.  Up the stairs.  To my door.  And it was there, that I had the worst kiss of my life.

At this point, I'd kissed a handful of guys.  None had compared to the nastiness of this one.  It was slobbery, and wet, and seriously, the term 'tonsil hockey' was exactly appropriate for what he was doing.  I swear he really wanted to shove his tongue down my throat.  I almost cried when I finally ran inside, slamming the door on him.  ...It doesn't end there.

He was so sure our date went great that he called me all the next day.  About a hundred times.  I told him it was my little brother's birthday (never mind that my brother's birthday is in April and it is now February) and we were going bowling.  He had the nerve to ask to join us.  I said no.  Then promptly told everyone in my house that if "Kenny" called, they were not to tell him I was home.  I forgot to mention Rod, and soon enough, Rod was calling, laughing hysterically.  I just kept hanging up.

I should have learned from my first experience, but I didn't.  I went on several blind dates after that, and let me warn you, none of them were good.  From that point forward, I was jinxed.  Hope you're ready to read more this week!

Thoughts of the Day

I was having flashbacks the other day about my blind date experiences when I first moved here.  I don't know what brought them on, but on in particular came to mind.  I went to a concert and the guy was supposed to meet up with me at the show, but never showed up.  So I wound up watching The Used alone, which didn't bother me too much, because a few other guys bought me drinks.  However afterwards, I almost got stranded because I had no ride home.  The guy showed up though, and I was stupid enough to take a ride home.  He dropped me off and apologized profusely about his meetings running late (slightly believable because he was in a suit), but I just shrugged.  I told him I had to work early so I couldn't stay out any later, but said we could hang out some other time.  He texted me a couple days later, and asked if he could just pick me up and we could go to the park or something to chill.  Then it progressed to hinting at getting it on because it had been so long.  ...Um, no, sorry.  After I said I didn't think so, he decided to be a complete immature moron and say that he didn't like "thick" girls, anyway, and that I was fugly.  OKAY!  LMAO.  ...Anyhow.  Onto better things.

We moved this past weekend into our new, smaller apartment.  It was interesting.  I prefer the smaller one because the kitchen is HUGE- but I don't have the spare bedroom to put all of my crap in, so I have no idea what I'm going to do with all of my books.  Chris told me to go to a resale shop, but I told him, "NO!"  My books are like my babies.  I did give away about half of my paperbacks last fall, and I thought that was enough.  However, Chris was pissed yesterday because when he moved one of the boxes, the bottom completely fell out and most of my paperbacks came flooding out.  ...Oops. 

But- I HAVE MY WIRELESS BACK!!  :)  I'm so excited.  It's so much better using my own computer to write blogs, from the comfort of my couch, or bed, or kitchen counter.  :-P

This was just a quickie update, as I'm going to be starting a new theme this week.  I'm doing a new topic every week, and my topic this week will be- Blind Dating.  Oooh, exciting, right?  I know.  I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving, and Cooper says thanks for all the great comments.  :)  He recommends getting at least two bunnies to keep the blues away.

Cooper Under Cover

Cooper decided to investigate the spare bedroom. Unfortunately, he isn't very sneaky.

Giving Thanks

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, as we all know, and it's that time of year we actually look forward to spending time with our families.  Or not.  Whatever the case may be, most of us are asked what we are thankful for, and this year, I've decided to make my thankful list a day early.  Mainly because I will be moving all of tomorrow night after eating a huge turkey dinner and probably will not be able to move even my fingers to type it out. 

I am thankful I am back in Arizona, even as lonely as it can be without my closest family around.  Colorado would have been a worse place to be, and I'm glad I'm here.

I'm thankful for Chris, and how great he has been to me and our relationship.  I'm grateful he has decided to choose this as his time to grow up and start his real life.

I'm thankful for my good friends, most of them in Michigan, for always being supportive and leaving me pictures of rabbits and hilarious comment on my Facebook, when I desperately need to be cheered up.

I'm thankful for my mom, despite being insane.  She has done her best to help me and I can't ask for more.

I'm thankful my dad finally decided to talk to me again, and I'm happy I will be spending Thanksgiving with him and my stepmom, even if it means being around two of her bratty second cousins. 

I'm thankful for Cooper and Beauty, who make me laugh and smile everyday.  I love my kids.

I'm extremely thankful for all of the readers and friends I've found here.  Without your advice and support, I might have lost my marbles the last few months.  Thankfully most of them are still rolling around in my head and despite being a bit loose at times, I'm able to make the right decisions for myself.

And, last but not least, I'm thankful for the the case of beer I'm purchasing tonight, so Chris and I can start our move across the apartment complex to our new place.  Without you, Bud Light, I don't know how we would be able to accomplish this in a short amount of time, with just the two of us.  Thank you.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!  Have a great day and enjoy the food!  I'm looking forward to the sweet potatoes the most!

The Addiction

Although this is slightly irrelevant from most of the topics I've discussed here, I've decided to talk about it, anyway.  My life has been consumed by it lately, because despite my efforts in job hunting and trying to find a life again, neither has happened quite yet.  Plus I'm completely enthralled in reading The Twilight Saga again (I'm in the middle of Eclipse, currently) and also trying to go see New Moon again this week.  However- onto the subject.

I am on Facebook.  I keep in contact mainly with people I know in person and my family through this networking site.  When I first joined I had no interest, really.  Most of my college friends told me to join, and I did.  Now though, I find myself logging on everyday, several times, and often spending more than an hour at a time on it.  And not just for networking.  I'm addicted to Farmville.

Yes, you read that right.  Farmville.  It is an application on Facebook that allows you to create your own farm, grow crops, and raise animals.  I never thought in a million years I would join such a game, but it has come to this.  I'm obsessed (may be too strong of a word but it seems suitable currently) with getting to a higher level, more neighbors, and the nicest farm of them all!  Not only that, but I've gotten Chris addicted, too, which has us fighting for time on the computer since we still haven't bought another wireless router for my laptop.  It is quite pathetic.

Today I found myself accepting friend requests based solely on the purpose of getting more neighbors.  Shirley and Ron are fellow addicts, and don't care that I live in Arizona, while they reside in New Jersey.  None of us cares that we've never spoken or met, which was my restriction for adding friends on Facebook- I need to know you.  That has gone out the window.

I may have to start my own FAA- Farmville Addicts Anonymous- just so I can get help once it has completely taken over my life.  For now, I must end this blog because I have to go harvest my Ghost Chilies before they wither.