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Monday, October 26, 2009

A Beer A Day...

I hate not being able to use my laptop.  I lot.  I'll leave it at that.

So, this weekend wasn't as bad as I thought, but it wasn't the good weekend I wanted.  I didn't get to leave because a few things went astray in the plans, but I'll be in Colorado Halloween night.  I doubt we'll be doing anything after my friends spend 26 hours on the road and I am emotionally and mentally worn out, but we'll see when we get there.

Chris has been unusually nice to me.  This isn't a bad thing, but it does make me wonder how he feels about everything.  You see, a man doesn't like to discuss his feelings.  Most of the time, they can go years without expressing any sort of feeling they have, unless it's anger at not being able to watch a football game on Sunday afternoon.  Chris is good at being mad and he's good at being annoyed.  As far as I can tell, he isn't good at being sad nor disappointed nor anxious.  I'm good at everything, but that's because I'm a woman. 

I hate overdoing the, "I just want to know what is wrong," statement.  I hate asking, period, but I want to know.  How come he was a complete ass for a month and couldn't tell me what was wrong?  Why was it so hard to say, "I just need some space"?  I would have no problem saying that.  I have never had a problem with it.  As a matter of fact, I would have definitely preferred hearing that instead of him telling me to just leave him alone and he won't be home at all for the weekend, making me wonder what I did wrong and what was he doing that he didn't want me to know about.  It's all just ridiculous.

The cure to a man's daily problems is a beer at night.  Drink a beer, watch some TV, and go to bed.  Seems to help them relax and just forget the day.  I wish it were that easy for me.  "A beer a day keeps the problems at bay."  ...

I drank this weekend.  Not a lot.  I know better.  I even had a discussion with someone about it.  If I've had a rough day, but have no qualms with a person, sure, I can drink and be fine.  But if I am upset or sad or annoyed, you can bet the alcohol will bring it out.  So I don't have the choice of just coming home and drinking a beer.  I watched Chris do it and was jealous.  It has a lot to do with the fact that I'm also bipolar, but in general, I've learned many, many people have the same problem with drinking.  It's ridiculous.  And not just women- my dad has been known to burst into tears when he is a little tipsy.

Chris is lucky.  If he can mute his emotions by drinking a beer and playing video games, good for him.  I wish I could, as well.  Hell, I can't even mute my emotions by ignoring them.  Or ignoring everyone else.  I tried.  Man, did I try this weekend.  I wanted to just have fun.  Chris and I were getting along, he was being nice to me, we hung out with old friends and laughed and everything.  But that is definitely not what was happening on the inside.  I'm sure he knows better.  How can he believe I'm okay with this?  Especially after the crying fits and hiding in the bedroom all week and not wanting to shower?  I know, I know, not a good idea, but you know how it is. 

I'm hoping when I move to Colorado, I will be able to take the "A Beer A Day" approach.  I haven't seen the friend I'm staying with in four years.  We used to have so much fun together.  Of course, times change, and we were young then, but still.  I'll have to drink a light beer and hope it doesn't go straight to my gut, but it's nothing a little running can't cure.  I guess we'll see when I get there.

9 ghetto sass:

Anonymous said...

Man girl, I have been missing out! Sorry. Life has gotten the best of me again. In terms of the emotions - just let them flow and eventually they will be done. Anyhow, be strong and hang in there girl. I will keep you in my prayers.

xoxo

p.s. tell Cooper I said Hi! :o)

Karilynnlove said...

I can almost guarantee Chris will express his regret for his decisions in the future! But you have to do what's right for you!!Good luck with the move! New adventures! Keep us all posted!

Susan R. Mills said...

I agree with Karilynn. He will express his feelings later on, and guess what, you can laugh in his face. :)

Tina Lynn said...

Make sure it's a belly laugh! A loud, guttural belly laugh!

Nicolette said...

lmao..you guys!!! i really do hope he does express his regret later. because, i never treated him badly and i never stopped him from doing anything he wanted to.

we'll see. but...things will get better and i'm doing what i want and what i think is best for me. :)

AngeliStarr said...

Im kind of hoping that when he does regret it you just laugh @ him. I honestly do. As everyone else said. ESP a belly laugh!So would love to hear about that

Dawn said...

Hang in there. Chris, I'm sure, will figure out what he's missing in the long run. They always do.

I do have to say that when I read 'you're good at everything because you're a woman', I immediately laughed.

So true. We're just that amazing.

Lisa said...

A beer a day...I like it. But maybe that beer should be consumed across from a good friend and should come with a side of rant. Ya know? Sometimes it's just good to unload your daily baggage and that way you don't have to carry it around while it keeps building up. Sounds like you'll enjoy reuniting with your friend in Colorado!

N J said...

Guess what NT?!! Good never die! :) Hope for the best and whole universe will get you them :)