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Monday, August 17, 2009

In Time

It came to my attention that whenever I switch pedals in life, my dreams start featuring my least favorite character:

My ex.

No matter what is going on with my life at the time, for some reason, my brain is triggered and brings him up in my dreams, whether in the leading role or as an extra. I'm not sure why this is, except that I'm stressed, and he was always a source of frustration in my life when we were together.

I'm sure there are other people that have certain things that come up in dreams frequently that wish didn't: the mother-in-law (might as well be Freddy Krueger), that bad speech we gave in high school (sans clothes), or the wolf that attacks all their children. I don't have a mother-in-law, I never gave a bad speech, and I don't have children (although I have had dreams about being attacked by wolves). The only thing, apparently, that truly brings me a great amount of stress is my ex showing back up in my life. I suppose this is natural.

Especially when the only time I was ever able to get my life together was WITHOUT him in my life.

The sequence of the dreams usually follows the same outline: I'm doing something normal, I'm with a group of people, then suddenly he comes barging in to bring up the past. Maybe this means I need closure. I never really had that with him. We were together three years, then on and off again for another year after that, and then suddenly, I never heard from him again. That was it. There was no "going our separate ways" speech or that teary good-bye that breaks your heart still, years later.

When my life starts to spiral out of control, I think it (my brain) is reminded of when I was with him and how out of control it was then. From there on, it reminds me of him every time I think about it. Maybe it is telling me, "Get your shit together before you end up like that mess you were then." Or maybe I'm still subconsciously yearning for the closure I never had with him.

Does anyone else have these sorts of dreams?

0 ghetto sass: