Road Block of Cheese to Nowhere

Currently Listening To: William Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet Motion Picture Soundtrack

I need to express my gratitude to my new and old followers- thanks so much!  You guys have all left such awesome comments and it makes me want to write an outstanding blog everyday!  I wish I had commenters on every part of my life (Great job with that laundry!  Keep it up!  These glasses look SO sparkly, how do you DO it?).  Maybe it would make it a tad easier.  Then again, if I had commenters on every part of my life, it could lead to some uncomfortable situations (Uh, hmmm, what is that stain?  The bunny poop stuck to your foot is a, um, GREAT fashion statement).

SO, I started my workout this week, right?  I did it on Monday.  It did it's job and kicked my ass.  The next day I could barely walk.  Wednesday wasn't much better, and having to work didn't make the pain go away.  The muscles in the backs of my legs were so tight I was almost crying when I stretched.  But, no pain, no gain, right?  So I had Chris help me stretch my legs, and we did it for like fifteen minutes.  Finally I was able to walk without looking like I'd just been riding a horse for twelve hours.  It still hurt yesterday, but not as badly, so I took to doing the workout again. 

My original goal was four times a week.  I don't think that's going to happen until I can get used to some of the pain.  I mean, I'm not a whiner (haha, who am I kidding?), but seriously, every time I stood up from the floor or the couch I was limping.  It was no good.  So, three times a week will have to work.  I popped in the video yesterday and started, made it through 30 minutes, then suddenly felt like I was going to be sick.  Chris asked if I was drinking cold water (I had a bottle of water that had been out for an hour or so, but it wasn't that cold) and if I had eaten anything.  I'd eaten a few hours before that and I was taking breaks after after cycle to take a drink.  I was sweating up a storm and my mouth was dry. 

I didn't get sick, but I had to stop because I felt dizzy.  I don't know what it was from.  However, even doing only half an hour made the burning start.  This time it was my lower abs and calves.  Tomorrow I plan on doing my pilates video instead, because it works on stretching more than Jillian Michaels does, and maybe it will help the tightness in my body. 

Currently, I'm busy tapping away on the novel.  As I've admitted before, I've had a slight writer's block because of stress.  It's like, every time I go to sit down and think about an idea, all my worries come to the front of my mind and I can't get rid of them, so my creativity goes WHOOSH! out the window.  However, Chris texted me today from work and said, "I think we'll be fine."  That always makes me feel better, because he's the blatantly honest one, not dramatic, unlike me.  After all, I have breakdowns over the dishes piling up in the sink and having no laundry detergent.  So it's no wonder he avoids me sometimes.  I really don't blame him. 

I spoke to my mom yesterday.  I don't mind speaking to her.  We have a better relationship now than we ever have, and I almost enjoy talking to her sometimes.  Lately, though, all she wants to talk about is my oldest younger brother.  His wife is about ready to pop their second (her third) kid out, and she keeps blabbing on about it.  I just get annoyed.  It's not because I'm jealous of the attention he gets over everything he does (it has always been like that- he's a mama's boy), I'm upset because I am not there.  I didn't get to see my nephew until he was six months old.  He is now a year and a half and I won't see him until December.  Now my niece is going to be born and I'll miss that, too.  It makes me very, very sad and she doesn't get that.  I'm not a fan of expressing emotion with my mother because when I was a teenager she always called me a cry baby and told me to stop.  Now I feel like I need to avoid showing any emotion with her because I feel weak. 

Actually, both of my parents were like this, and I just try to avoid being emotional in general because it reminds me of the things they used to say to me.  I'm off point.  So, while talking on the phone with my mom, I got a little bit upset and she was like, "What's wrong?"  I wasn't going to tell her, "Well, Mom, honestly I don't want to talk about Brian and the kids because it makes me feel like I'm missing out on everything there while I live here in Hell where I don't want to be but can't afford to move back yet."  That would just make me cry.  So I said, "Nothing, just finding a movie to watch."

The good news about this call is that I didn't cry, and my mom is sending Chris and I a box of food.  Yes, you read that correctly.  A box of food.  She knew we were having financial trouble, but didn't realize it was cutting into our healthy eating habits.  I don't like sharing this publicly, but I am currently enrolled in Arizona's Nutritional Aid program (aka food stamps).  Not something I'm proud of, but when I transferred stores they cut my wages and my hours.  I'm now barely making more than minimum wage and only getting ten hours a week.  I really don't have a choice.  The bad part is that they based the amount I get on what I was making at the other store, so they reduced it by a LOT.  No good.  So it's going to take until October 12th before they raise it.  My mom said if we needed food I should have said something because she has a ton of non-perishables that she can send.

I know how funny that sounds.  My mom is sending me food from across the country (Michigan to Arizona).  Why not save the money sending it and just send me money?  Well, food is cheaper in Michigan, to be blunt.  So she is sendng me a box of food and money.  That made me feel better.  Our cell phone service is getting suspended, once again, because we have to pay rent on the first and electric a few days later.  Sigh.  But, I'd rather have no phones than no electricity.  It's only for a few days, anyway.  I only work one of those days, so I don't need it, really.  It's just nice to have it, because we don't have a home phone.  We are forced to either borrow friends' phones or use the payphone downstairs.  Anyhow.  Despite all of this piling up on me, I'm still holding my head up because there's not much I can do about it.

Chris and I are celebrating our one year on Tuesday, and because we will be broke, I made a joke out of it on Facebook and posted a status message saying, "Oh yeah, and some one year anniversary this will be since we're broke.  I would make you steak and taters, babe, but you'll have to make do with mac 'n' welfare cheese."  LOL!  Sorry, I thought it was funny.  Seriously though, I've heard welfare cheese is the best, but I've never had it.  My dad once told me that (apparently, he used to have a friend when he was younger whose family was on welfare, and he loved going there because they had welfare cheese...my dad is a strange man).  With that said, I'm off to finish up this chapter, then hopping in the shower.  I guess we're hanging out with some friends tonight, playing beer pong and swimming.  Such college kid antics, I tell you.

Happy End of the Week to everyone!