I Hit A Home Run

I was reading some humorous blogs tonight...Just to kill some time and possibly make me tired, inbetween watching The Nanny Diaries and listening to my boyfriend yell at the video game is is playing.  One of them I found particularly hilarious just because it was an awkward first-time-having-sex story.  I love those.  Let me repeat: I love those.  From this point forward, if you do not want to hear the details of someone's sex life, I recommend turning around because I have some pretty good sex stories.

I lost my virginity at a relatively young age.  I'm not exactly proud of it, but, I was in love with the guy and we were together for over two years, so I don't fret over it.  Anyhow.  After said first boyfriend, I dated a few different guys.  No, I didn't sleep with all of them.  Just...a couple.  And I was confused and lost and kind of in a bad place at that time, so again, I'm not proud, but I don't regret.  So, the first guy I dated after the first guy I slept with (wow, that wasn't confusing- we'll call him ex A) happened to have two younger brothers.  And we all love younger brothers.  I know I love mine!  At this time, they were just...pains in the ass though. 

All of the brothers had their own rooms.  Ex A had the largest- he was the oldest, of course, so it made some sense.  He had a huge waterbed, and I had a couple bad experiences on that thing- from getting motion sickness my first night in it to water spraying out unexpectedly.  The one that comes to my mind more clearly, though, is the night of the attack.  We were, eh hem...you know, doing the horizontal polka, very discreetly, and suddenly- the door flies open.  I have no idea what to do, so I quickly wrap the blanket completely around me and pray nothing shows.  Ex A does the same thing with a sheet, and starts yelling at his brothers to get the hell out, obviously.  However, they had a different agenda.

Suddenly, I have two little kids jumping on top of me, trying to rip the blanket off me.  Unless Ex A wants all of his glory to be hanging around, he can't exactly stop it- so I'm on my own, with Ex A yelling at the top of his lungs.  The hellions succeeded- they managed to get part of the blanket off of me while I screamed at them to get the fuck off of me.  They laughed and giggled like crazy little boys and ran out of the room.  I couldn't believe it.  Ex A then sat down and said, "I need a new lock."  Yep.  You sure do.  Later, he added a deadbolt, no joke.  That experience lead to our demise, I'm sure, because how was I supposed to face his family, knowing that all of the boys had seen my Fantasyland?

Ex B came a few months later.  About six months into our relationship, we were bored.  This is the same ex I talked about in a previous blog on my bad luck with vehicles.  He is the one that rolled his truck straight into a tree trying to sneak me out of his house at 7 AM.  After that incident, we became pretty creative with places to get our freak on.  Including using my high school's baseball field.  And football field, not long after that. 

One night, we crept around behind the school in his truck and looked around to see if the night person was to be seen.  He wasn't.  There were no vehicles around, so we ran across the football field, to the baseball dugout, and we climbed on top, with our blanket.  We laughed hysterically for a while, then eventually we got our heads back and decided to get the heck out of dodge.  At this time, my brother was playing summer league baseball, and they had a game either the next day or the day after.  I brought my friend along with me and my mom to watch the game.  We set up our fold out chairs and started to watch the game.  Until there was a yell from a mom just down the way from us.  We started eavesdropping, and I suddenly realized...the mom was yelling about her kid picking up a disgusting specimen from behind the dugout.  OH, CRAP.  I tried to keep a straight face, and my friend was laughing hysterically because it was the funniest thing ever to know someone had actually had sex out there. 

Later on, I told my friend it was me and Ex B, and she didn't believe me until Ex B blurted out the story during a party one night.  She was proud of me.  So was everyone else.  We became a legend.  Right before school started that same summer, we had an experience on the football field and the night person.  The sprinklers not only turned on while we were on the field, but the night person had apparently hidden his truck and saw us running to Ex B's truck.  After that the school grounds were off-limits because they had two night people and it was impossible to get around them in such a small space.  I have the memories, though.  *Evil laugh*