The "Not Quite Honest" Blind Date

It was my junior year of high school.  I was single and enjoying it, because I'd spent almost three years in a relationship with guys that treated me terribly.  My two best friends at the time agreed I should try to meet new people.  So I did.  I don't remember how, but I know it was through a friend of a friend of a future boyfriend's bandmate's girlfriend.  Is that confusing enough for you?

His name was Kenny.  Kenny and his friend Rod were both 19, lived in the city 30 minutes from me, and asked if I wanted to go out to dinner and watch a movie with them.  I agreed, as long as my best girl friend at the time, Sami, could go.  You know, for safety's sake (or just because if he was ugly, she could block the goodnight kiss scene).  I saw one picture on Kenny, and as far as I could tell, he wasn't bad looking at all, and he seemed pretty sweet.  ...Believe me, it was far from the truth.

Sami and I had him pick us up from her mom's house.  I was afraid of my own mother's reaction and Sami's mom was always like a second mom to me, except cooler.  She wouldn't embarrass me like my own mother would.  I stayed in the upstairs bathroom, getting ready and trying not to throw up, until the doorbell rang.  I made Sami answer it.  She came upstairs to get me, and the look on her face told me everything.

Kenny didn't look anything like the picture I saw.  He was about four feet tall and had a shaved head, something I couldn't stand at the time.  He wore big glasses and was the billboard picture of nerdy.  I couldn't believe it.  How did I get talked into this?!

I didn't want to go, but couldn't be rude, so I went anyway.  We met up with his friend Rod at the mall.  Guess what?  The picture I had been sent was of him.  And he was completely gorgeous.  It was totally unfair.  I didn't want to have to spend one minute sitting next to poor Kenny (who wasn't a bad guy, I was just shallow) by myself, whether in a theater or at his house, so we hung around the mall.  At one point, Sami and I were in the FYE store, and a few of our friends from another school were there, making us laugh so hard I almost wet myself.  I had to run to the bathroom, where she followed me.  The terrible thing was, the reason we were laughing so hard was because they were making fun of my date.  I know, stupid high school girls.

At the end of the night, I made a comment about the picture before we left the mall, and Rod laughed.  It had been him the whole time that I was talking to, and he was just a complete asshole.  He didn't plan for us to actually go through with the date.  My friend Mindy, who lived next door to him and was the one to set us up, apologized later for it. 

It started getting nasty out because of a snow storm, and Sami begged to be dropped off first.  I was so, so mad at her for it, because I didn't want to be alone with him at all, let alone when we had to go half the speed limit because of the storm.  The whole ride back to my house Kenny kept trying to hold my hand.  I couldn't help being weirded out.  Then- the worst happened.

Once we were in my driveway, he offered to walk me to the door, and I turned him down, saying my parents were probably in bed and I didn't want them to wake up.  He insisted, and followed me.  Across the yard.  To the stairs.  Up the stairs.  To my door.  And it was there, that I had the worst kiss of my life.

At this point, I'd kissed a handful of guys.  None had compared to the nastiness of this one.  It was slobbery, and wet, and seriously, the term 'tonsil hockey' was exactly appropriate for what he was doing.  I swear he really wanted to shove his tongue down my throat.  I almost cried when I finally ran inside, slamming the door on him.  ...It doesn't end there.

He was so sure our date went great that he called me all the next day.  About a hundred times.  I told him it was my little brother's birthday (never mind that my brother's birthday is in April and it is now February) and we were going bowling.  He had the nerve to ask to join us.  I said no.  Then promptly told everyone in my house that if "Kenny" called, they were not to tell him I was home.  I forgot to mention Rod, and soon enough, Rod was calling, laughing hysterically.  I just kept hanging up.

I should have learned from my first experience, but I didn't.  I went on several blind dates after that, and let me warn you, none of them were good.  From that point forward, I was jinxed.  Hope you're ready to read more this week!