Maybe If I Were A Ditz

What's worse than a blind date you have absolutely nothing in common with and is not exactly what you would call...hot?  A blind date that you have absolutely nothing in common with but IS hot- but then goes after your cousin while still on a date with you.

Last spring, I met a guy on MySpace.  I know, I know- silly me!  But he messaged me, and said he thought my profile was funny and that I had a cute pic (it was me, jumping on a trampoline in pjs).  I thought it was nice that a guy actually read my profile for once and didn't just message me because he saw my "sexy" profile pictures.  We ended up having an all night message-fest, and at the end of the night, he told me he didn't usually give out his number to strangers online (yeah, right) but if I wanted to give him a call sometime, I wouldn't mind. 

The next few days we just messaged each other, and I told him that I wasn't sure I would call him (I'm sort of shy on the phone), but gave him my number in case he wanted to call.  One day after work, he did call, and we had a GREAT conversation.  We talked about a lot of things we did have in common, and laughed a lot.  I think one of our phones died, and he ended up texting me saying it was probably a good thing it did die because otherwise he would have stayed on the phone all night.  He told me it was the best conversation he'd had with a girl in a long time, and I was sort of flattered.  Let me mention- in his pictures, he was REALLY cute. 

So, after another few days of talking, he finally asked if I would like to have dinner sometime.  I said I'd love to, and we made plans to meet at Applebee's.  I was really nervous but excited, and by the time I got there I was nervous as hell.  I arrived first- I consider it a good thing because I really needed a drink to calm myself.  I ordered a beer and waited patiently.  He called and said he was running a little behind but he was still coming.  Then, he arrived.  I swear when he walked through the restaurant, every woman in the place turned to watch him walk by.  Yes, he was gorgeous.  I couldn't believe my luck- FINALLY, a great looking guy that has a good personality and is interested in me for more than just my looks!  Score!

We had a great time at dinner.  He insisted on paying for everything (always a plus in my book), and after we were finished eating, he asked if I wanted to go see a movie.  I made a quick trip to the bathroom, and texted my cousin Leah in Michigan to tell her.  She said it was a good thing, because he wanted to prolong the date.  Duh.  So we went to the movies.  There was crap playing, but we watched The Bucket List and basically talked the entire time. 

At the end of the night, he gave me a kiss goodnight- it wasn't slobbery or weird- and it was very innocent.  I was very, very happy with how it went, to say the least.  He was a complete gentleman, and said he would call me soon.  I wasn't sure what it meant, but figured, hey, I got one good night, and I was happy with that.  I mean, come on- after several terrible blind dates before that, I had to call it successful, even if it was just one night.

Then, he asked to hang out again.  At his place.  And I wanted to.  So I did.  We watched a Phoenix Suns game and had a few beers, and that is when my second cousin comes into play.  I knew what she was like, and I shouldn't have brought her in at all, but I did.  And it all came crashing down after that.  Turns out, they knew each other.  The guy recognized my cousin from somewhere, and then she realized where she knew him from.  Rehab.  Perfect, right?  Yes, they were both in rehab together.  He used to be addicted to heroin, something I'm sure would have come up eventually, but hadn't yet.  I was completely in shock at that point.

At some point, he decided to look for my cousin's picture on MySpace, and found her in my pictures.  My cousin is really pretty, and skinny, and she's a ditz- something that guys are weak for, I suppose.  They started talking on MySpace and eventually, she got involved with it all.  She told him I was bipolar and had a lot of emotional issues (correct- I am bipolar, but it is UNDER CONTROL AND HAS BEEN), and scared him off.  He then said he just wanted to be my friend.  He invited me out to go putt-putt golfing, and my conniving cousin asked to join us, if it was just a friend thing.  I let her.  It was the worst night I had had in Phoenix.  He flirted with her the entire time, and she acted like such a moron I found myself rolling my eyes and laughing at her most of the time.  He didn't seem to care.  He showed her how to hold a club- we all know that drill- and I was sick most of the night.  I told him to drop me off first, and that was basically the end of it.

I learned that night that guys are mostly idiots and don't really think with their brains.  The worst part was, I wasn't even the one persuing him- he pursued me.  Ugh.  Can you top that crappy date?