"...But I Saw His High School Picture!"

Early 2006.  I'm 20 years old, just moved back from Ohio from a brief 3-month fling with a guy that had commitment problems (only to tell me AFTER I moved my life down there).  I was, again, on the rebound.  It was also about the time I decided to take a hiatus from commitment myself, and to just have fun.  Meaning, get drunk a lot and forget that in the last six months I had been engaged, cheated on, moved 700 miles to another state, dumped again, and back to jumping from couch to couch for a while.

My cousin Leah met a guy through some friends of ours.  A bunch of us went to a house party and our friends Jenna and Ashley said, "Hey, you should meet up with Jay, he's really cool."  I thought it was a terrible idea.  They told her he was punk rock just like her (I laugh hysterically when I read that because if anything, my cousin is the complete opposite of punk rock- she just liked to be a poser back then).  In reality, he was exactly like me.  That's another story, though.  We planned out where to meet Jay so we could all hang out.  We should have known better as soon as he said "Meet me at the gas station." 

Once we were all back at the house party, we all chilled and drank a lot of beer and it was a good time.  I found Jay to be a complete narcissist, and an asshole, to be honest.  He had absolutely nothing in common with my cousin.  I hate to say he was anything like me either, at that point, but we had a lot of the same interests, which was sad.  He blew off my cousin, who was directing her undivided attention at him, mainly because he was good-looking.  He was funny at times, but that was it.  I sat on a couch drinking my beer alone for most of the night, and Jay took the opportunity to sit next to me.  He was flirting with me, but because I had no interest, it became a game to him.  I spent the rest of the time trying to avoid him or push him to my cousin. 

I told my cousin the next day I didn't find him to be all that great and said she could do better, but she didn't care.  She decided to try to go for it with him.  And he went with it.  That was when the blind date came in.  Jay had a friend, Corey, who hadn't a relationship (with a girl) in quite a while, and he thought we would hit it off.  In the best interest of my cousin, I should have said "No."  She was so excited that he asked her to go hang out that I couldn't let her down, though.  So I gave in.  Corey called me, and like I guessed- we had nothing in common.  He was into politics.  Liked science.  LISTENED TO COUNTRY!  That should say it all.

Leah told me, "I saw his high school picture, and he looks really cute.  Maybe he's just a geek at heart."  Right.  Her idea of cute and my idea of cute are on completely different spectrums altogether, but I went.  We were supposed to meet them at the Pizza Hut a town over from us.  Pizza Hut?  Are you kidding?  Are we in high school?  I didn't complain.  At least I wasn't paying.  We arrived.  And had to wait for the guys.  And wait.  And wait.  We waited for almost an hour.  They were late.  Finally, they arrived.  And guess what?  Corey.  Was.  Not.  Cute.

We ordered.  I was less than thrilled.  Leah hardly spoke at all, and neither did Corey.  Jay and I were the ones keeping the conversation going.  Corey wanted to talk about some show he watched on TV (The Colbert Report, to be correct- sorry if you're a fan, but I am not).  Jay and I talked about music.  Leah kept her mouth shut.  At some point we all left, and Corey said we could all hang out at his house because his parents were gone.  You live with your parents?  I guess I shouldn't have been surprised.  But yes, he lived with his parents, in their basement, of all places.  Oh boy.

We went back to his house, and after a few beers were in me, I was able to completely forget I was supposed to be on a date with this dud.  I know I intimidated him.  I have a personality that sometimes overwhelms people, especially shy beings.  He had no interest after that to talk much at all.  Jay brought out his guitar and played us some songs, then taught me a song.  "Photograph" by Nickelback.  He was so surprised I could play the guitar he wanted to keep teaching me new songs, totally leaving my cousin in the cold, and Corey, too. 

So the end of the night comes, and we are too drunk to drive, so they tell us we can stay there.  There are two couches in the basement, and then Corey's bed on the other side of a wall.  Leah actually had the NERVE to suggest I go sleep with Corey, and she and Jay could sleep on the pull-out couch.  I didn't do it.  I didn't want to put a damper on her night (even though I'm pretty sure Jay had absolutely no interest at that point), but I wasn't going to sleep next to some dude I didn't know nor even really like just so she could be heartbroken the next day when Jay told her he didn't see her like that, AFTER fooling around.  I promptly fell asleep on the couch across from them.

Corey and I didn't speak again.  He told Jay that he didn't find me that interesting.  Jay said I was a riot.  ...It was the last time we all hung out.  Leah wound up heartbroken when Jay told her a couple weeks later, "You just aren't my type."  And that was the second blind date I went on.  At least that one didn't end with a slobbery kiss.