It's Gone Stale

As usual, Stephanie has a great blog today: Sex After Marriage.  I can thankfully say I'm not married at this moment.  What I can say is, it can't be much different from a long-term relationship and sex after a while.

I haven't lost interest in sex, no.  What I have lost interest in is trying to create the mood.  It's only been a year.  He's already begun to notice it.  In fact, I'm frequently awaken by his "sleep-fondling" and sometimes it really pisses me off.  Other times, I think to myself, "Yeah, I guess it's about that time."  So many factors have to be considered in the reasoning behind the dry spell.  Stress at work, stress at home, exhaustion, depression, feeling lonely.  I believe a lot of the time I start a dry spell just because he is not interested in having a night alone with me, without video games or the television.  I don't feel we have that special connection like we did at first, when all we did was go at it.

He has said several times he honestly believes his sleeping problems come from the lack of getting laid.  I laughed in his face and said that I wished that was my problem, because I'd be tapping it every night.  Usually, though, my problems are deeper, like most women.

I believe that keeping a healthy sex life is exactly like keeping a healthy relationship.  We have to be open and honest with each other, we have to spend quality time together (WITHOUT distractions, except maybe a good movie), we have to create the mood.  I don't mind doing all of those things, but I don't like being the one to do it all the time.  By creating the mood, I don't mean turning off the TV and lights, and then spooning and rubbing yourself on me.  I mean, MAKE DINNER FOR ONCE.  Light a few candles.  Rub my feet if I ask you to.  I do it for you all the time without being asked, and so should you.

I think a lot of women like to hold sex over a man's head.  I'm not all about doing that.  That situation could probably be the driving reason behind cheating.  However, maybe we're not the only ones who have expectations.  Communication in a relationship goes both ways, and men should tell us how they like to be seduced.  I mean, after all, we have fantasies, so why can't they?

I know my man loves me.  He has taken care of me for the last six months without one complaint.  I know a lot of men do that for their wives and girlfriends, as well.  All I'm asking for is some effort in the home.  Nothing turns me on more than watching him wield a vacuum cleaner and mop!  Seeing a clean house when I know I haven't touched a thing makes me wanna jump right in bed, because I know I have the energy!

If all of us took time to focus on our partners and shared what we would like, I think that sex wouldn't feel like such a chore to some.  Even if it is only admitting how stressed out we are or that we just haven't been up to it because of exhaustion.  However, we have to share that emotional bond along with the physical bond, otherwise one or the other will end up feeling resentful.  All it takes is one conversation to stir up those sexual desires again.