Yet Again

This will have to be short and sweet because I'm using Chris's computer and I hate it.  He uses our flatscreen TV as the monitor and it gives me a mad headache every time I use it. 

So, updates:

First, I lost another follower.  So I'm back to just 40.  I'm sort of disappointed.  I hope people aren't leaving because of my lack of interesting updates.  REALLY, I'm just busy looking for a job and trying to keep my relationship afloat!  I will probably get a new wireless router this weekend to update.  I know today is Group Blog Thursday, but I won't be participating. Sorry, Stephanie!  :( 

Second, Chris and I got into yet another argument last night about his obsession with being friends with people (particularly girls) that I am not fond of.  He isn't respecting me, and it has been made clear that he doesn't care what I say or how he is making me feel.  As he said last night, "You aren't my mom, you aren't my dad, and you're not my boss.  I will talk to and hang out with whomever I want, regardless of what you say." 

That says it all.  He then proceeded to text D (the girl that was acting weird and taking pictures all night of him) until three in the morning.  He conveniently deleted certain messages out of his phone so that the conversations didn't make sense.  No, I wasn't snooping.  When I came out of the bedroom because I couldn't sleep, his phone was flashing on the floor beside him.  I asked, "Who are you texting at 3 AM?"  He then told me, "D.  You wanna read the messages?"  Which just made me mad because...well.  I have friends in Michigan that work third shift so sometimes I'll text them until one or two in the morning.  I don't care that he is texting that late, but why does it have to be her, after all the shit that went down not but two weeks ago?

I didn't want to read them.  I was exremely upset and it was a very bad day yesterday to start with.  I made him dinner (chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, and corn), baked a cake (even colored it with food coloring so it was his favorite color, blue), cleaning the kitchen, the living room, did laundry, and just comes home, jumps right on his video game after eating, and proceeds to ignore me. 

So after lying in bed for over two hours trying to fall asleep, I got up to see what he was doing.  Only to find he was having a grand ol' time texting her. 

I went back in the bedroom for another hour or so, but last night my medication was having a bad effect on me and I was restless.  I hate that feeling.  I kept having to stretch and if I didn't my muscles would start contracting and jolting even though I was trying to just sleep.  So I got back up again, to get something to drink, and he was still out here.  And his phone was flashing again.  I finally was so upset that I picked up his phone, and went through it.  He didn't say anything.  He knew he was caught. 

Like I said, there were messages deleted from it that made the conversation not make sense, but one of them upset me so much I didn't even care.  She wrote, "I'm sorry you have to sleep on the couch.  She's crazy.  Do you want me to come pick you up?"

That right there says it all.  He was telling her I made him sleep on the couch, WHICH I NEVER SAID.  And she offered to come pick him up.  Also, a sign that he was talking shit about me but cleverly deleted the messages so that IN CASE I were to read his texts, they wouldn't be there.  He's not so smart.  He should have just deleted them all.

I think we are done.  No, we didn't break up.  But I think as soon as I'm able to leave, I'm leaving him.  Yes, this means I'm going to be using him for the time being.  I love him, with all of my heart.  But it is clear he is too immature to accept the responsibility of being in a serious relationship, and that having these girls as friends is more important that saving my feelings.  I'm fed up with it.  I'm hurt and worn out and depressed and I think I've pretty much made it clear I don't agree with him and that if I could, I would be out of here on a plane first chance I got.

I'm too old to deal with his childish antics.  He's not ready to settle down.  I don't know why I ever thought he was.  Maybe it's because he has been on his own since he was 17.  He has always done what he had to do to stay afloat.  He told me he didn't want to play games.  He told me he could see us being together for a long time.  Obviously he was blowing smoke up my ass. 

Anyway, I'm tired and probably need a nap.  My eyes are heavy and so is my heart.  Hopefully I'll get a router soon so I can get back to my regular reading and blogging.

Have a good day, everyone.