Karma

Well, I was going to wait til tomorrow (or morning, at least) to blog about this, but I can't sleep.  And I figured I'd get an early start and have less to do tomorrow before work.

I told you guys all about my paranoia and that I've been freaking out.  All week long Chris and I have been fighting, and I didn't know where this sudden urge to fight with me came from!  We've always been the couple people like to hang out with because we get along so well, and we don't argue in front of people, and we're fun.  Last weekend, not so fun.  This whole week, definitely not fun.  In fact, I'm sure these new people he has been bringing over after work thing I'm a real bitch, with the way that I've been acting.

It really isn't fair, either, because I'm not about to go blurt out to them why I'm acting like this heinous beast.  It's not their business.  I shouldn't care, either, what they think.  I'm sure Chris has told them his version of the story, and they've got their preconceived notions of me.  I can't change that.  Then again, I shouldn't have to.  This should not have been going on at all!

Tonight (last night) was absolutely awful.  I already talked about how Chris never had any interest in MySpace until recently.  Well, I don't get on much, but I got on a couple times today just to see if he was on, and he was.  We didn't have our phones (yay, now we do!), so I had every right to ask him what was going on later.  I wanted to go get some food for dinner, and make him a nice meal so that he'd be in a good mood.  He got bad news today, about his job, and I just wanted to help. 

He kept saying he was busy, or he wasn't supposed to be online.  I knew this was bull crap right away.  He gets online all the time, and so do all of his friends.  So it was a lame excuse not to have to talk to me.  And the thing was, I wasn't even trying to be a bitch or fight with him, I just wanted to know what he wanted for dinner!

Finally, around 7:30, he finally messages me and says he'll be a little bit late because his ride had to do something real quick.  I figured he didn't usually get home til quarter after 8, so I'd go grab something for dinner, and start making it around 8:30.  It'd be done by the time he got home.  I decided to make pancakes and eggs, because that is what we always used to have when we first moved in together.  We both love breakfast food, so I thought I'd try to redo the one year anniversary that was botched on Tuesday.

It failed.  He didn't show up.  Come 9, I was a bit anxious.  Come 10, I was getting nervous.  Come 11, I was pissed.  I finally walked to the nearest payphone to try to find J's phone number (that's who he was with) and track them down.  The one person that knew it wasn't answering her stupid phone.  I was so mad I started crying while I was walking home.  Then I started to think something bad had happened.  Finally, at quarter after midnight, I decided I didn't give a shit if he didn't give a shit.  I wrote him a note that said, "You seem to really care about me and my feelings.  Thanks a lot.  P.S. I made you pancakes."  I left it right where he usually sits so there'd be no way he would miss it.  I planned on going to bed, but every time I'd start to drift off, I'd jerk myself awake.

I decided to try to get the phones on then.  I paid the balace off, and the service was activated again immediately, thank God.  Why he is carrying around a phone he can't use, I don't know, but I'm glad he did.  As soon as he answered he knew he was in trouble.  I started shrieking about how worried I had been, what a selfish asshole he was being, what the hell did he think he was doing, and about a million other things I'd rather not post here.  He apologized, over and over again.  "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I know, we got sidetracked, I had no way to call you."  That's the last time I ever go without a phone.  We will get the cable and Internet shut off before we go without our phones.  Finally, he says he'll be home in a little bit, they're leaving.  I was so mad I just hung the phone up.

Then, I hear outside my window fifteen minutes later, car doors slamming and people talking.  Oh no, there should only be ONE door slamming, and it's his.  Of course, the inconsiderate jerk decides to invite up J and this other dude I've never met, who spent the duration of his visit in the bathroom throwing up.  I was even more livid.  It took everything I had not to cause a scene in front of everyone.  Being the grown up and well-mannered woman I am, I stayed in the bedroom and vented to myself.  Finally, at ONE THIRTY IN THE MORNING, they left, and Chris came in the bedroom, and started to apologize again.

I didn't want to hear it, really.  But it gave me leverage.  I told him, "You know, I don't care if you go out with your friends, but at least do it when I know where you are and how to get a hold of you."  And he said it was his fault, blah blah blah, he should have asked to be dropped off first.  He had been drinking, though.  I finally got the courage to ask him, "Why did you change your password and why have you been on Myspace so much lately?"  And I think his guilt from the night got to him, because he didn't even argue and told me his password, and the reason why he has been online.

He recently got into contact with a girl from school, and they have been messaging back and forth.  It's not the girl that I thought it was, but it is still a girl.  I asked him why he felt he had to change his password, when he knows I am not the type of person to be nosy or snoopy like that.  He didn't have a clear answer for that one.  I can only guess that it is because he felt guilty.

He spent the duration of the night in the bathroom being sick.  I don't feel sorry for him at all.  I've been tearing my hair out all week, trying to patch things up between us, and he has done nothing but make it worse.  So I hope this is karma coming back to him.  He was very nice and sweet to me before going to bed, and told me he loves me and that he wants to work things out.  I'm wondering how long this will last, but at the same time, I'm just glad everything happened the way it did, otherwise I might still be in a rut.

ANYHOW.  Whew.  That was long.  But now you know what happened, and that karma does have its way.  :)